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Just Say Yes!

March 14, 2010 By 9 Comments

I was reminded of a great principle in church today that reminds us to not ignore the call within us to do more, be more and have more than we are right now.

I’d love to take a few moments to share this wonderful concept with you. Just click on the play button below and check it out!

Is there something inside of you that has been speaking to you but perhaps you’ve been ignoring it because you’re not sure how to make this thing real? If so, that’s okay! A lot of times when something bigger than us is calling us to action it can be scary because we have no idea how to make those small little seeds that have been planted within us grow into something amazing. We can’t see beyond where we are currently of how to make it possible. But if we only take the first step and say “yes”, I promise you, your path will be revealed to you step by step. But it won’t happen until you say “yes”….even if you have to say “I have no idea what this means and I don’t have a clue as to how to make all of this work, but I am going to trust what I am being lead to do and say YES.”

Did that resonate with you in some way? I’d love to hear about it so please share your thoughts and insights below as they can be a blessing others.  Oh, and re-tweets and Facebook love are always appreciated! Have a fantastic day!

In Celebration,
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P.S. Please excuse the wobbly video and the occasional sighs in the background….my cameraboy is nine and his arms were giving out on him!

Filed Under: A Life You Love, Personal Growth, Reconnect With YOU, Spirituality Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

How to solve work-at-home ethical dilemmas – CNN.com

February 3, 2010 By Leave a Comment

STORY HIGHLIGHTS Abusing work-at-home freedom can harm relationships with boss, clients, says ethics expert Bruce Weinstein identifies work-at-home perils: distractions, boundaries and double dipping Weinstein: Bill by the project or by results, use temptations as incentives

via www.cnn.com

In Celebration,

Filed Under: A Life You Love Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

What I Miss Monday

February 1, 2010 By 2 Comments

Endless Energy….

When I was pregnant with my son I experienced a surge of energy that I quite honestly had never experienced before in my adult life…and sadly have yet to experience again, even during my second pregnancy with my daughter.

While my pregnancy wasn’t considered “high risk”, I did have complications. Severe sciatica pain during the first trimester kept me up crying at night. After those first three months and throughout the rest of the pregnancy I was hit with toxemia. My swelling was so bad that I was given instructions not to drive, vacuum, chop veggies or do anything that required me to grip with my hands and risk the chance of cutting off circulation. It was interesting to say the least.

Because of the toxemia, I was also put under the care of a chiropractor to try and encourage my body to keep things moving along. I don’t know if it was the regular spinal adjustments or just my body hyped up from the whole new pregnancy experience, but I tell ya what…..I had more energy than the Energizer Bunny!

I was at a point where I could not sleep past 6:30 a.m. and I could not lounge around in bed after waking up for more than 30 minutes. Regardless to what time I went to bed on Friday and Saturday nights, I was up, dressed and raring to go by 7:30 a.m., sometimes earlier on Saturday and Sunday mornings. On weekends my husband got to a point where he had to ask me to not wake him before 8. Weekday mornings back then when I was still working were a lot easier too. I loved it!

Unfortunately, gone are the days of boundless energy. Even if I get eight or nine hours of sleep I don’t leap out of bed and I still feel tired. I find myself yawning constantly and just don’t feel that spring in my step like I did during that first pregnancy. Is it the early midlife age that’s got me dragging?? Better not be! If that’s the case can I only expect it to get worse and not better as the years march on? Hmmm, not feelin’ that one.

Quite honestly, I think if did a good detox, and I mean a really good detox – raw foods and/or juices, colonics, herbs, the whole shebang, that I would recapture that energy I’ve been dreaming about for the past nine years. In some ways I’m ready, but in other ways I’m not. I still have mental block issues over what I “might” be missing. So I’m still trying to mentally remind myself about all of the fabulous things I stand to gain, an increase in energy being just one of them.

I chronicled my last raw food detox, or at least a few days of it last year, but I think the next time I do a detox I will really put my best foot forward and go all or nuthin! I’ll keep you posted on when I decide to take that journey, but for now, I’m going to head to bed and get some much needed rest!

In Celebration,
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She Was Ready to Walk Away

January 29, 2010 By 2 Comments

About five years ago a colleague, whom I also consider a friend, shared with me how she had reached a point in her marriage when she was ready to walk away from it all and they had been married at the time for over 10 years.

This woman is smart, confident, successful, attractive, well-liked and a leader in her community. She’s a best-selling author, motivational speaker, success coach and loving mom. One would easily assume that based on all of the positive attributes in her life that her marriage was equally fulfilling, but that wasn’t the case.

She said that as the years went by in their marriage they had begun to grow apart. Being the success coach that she is, she was always ready to take action and move things to the next level, her husband was not. He was comfortable with the familiar and saw no need to change. This caused her spirit to be uneasy because part of her wanted to grow, blossom and expand, yet another part of her didn’t want to do that if it meant putting her marriage in jeopardy. So for a long time she went against the desires of her spirit and stayed in that “comfortable place” – which honestly was no longer comfortable – for the sake of her marriage.

She said for months she wrestled with the thoughts in her head and heart about whether she should stay in her marriage or leave. She thought about her children, her husband, their families and friends. She played out the scenario of splitting assets, moving into a new home, joint custody and therapy. She meditated and prayed for guidance on how to handle this situation so that it could end with the best possible outcome for everyone. Finally, she decided that she had to do what was best for her.

The decision didn’t come easily she said. She felt guilty about how her choice to put her needs first would affect others. But she also had to remind herself that her intentions were not to purposely hurt anyone else but to make herself happy…even though hurt feelings would naturally be a byproduct of her decision. Yet in the end, she decided to follow the call of her inner spirit to grow, blossom and expand, even if it meant doing those things without her husband. In her mind, divorce was just around the corner and she was preparing for it.

She slowly began doing things that honored her and made her feel good. Some things were small and simple but they meant the world to her. The biggest shift in her decision to honor self however, came in the form of an invitation to a party.

Every year she and her husband were invited to a costume party that friends of theirs held at their home. Every year she wanted to go….he didn’t. Every year, they wouldn’t attend, only to hear how much fun they had missed. This particular year she had decided to leave her husband in order to make herself happy, the invitation arrived in the mail. But this time instead of “asking” him if they were going, she “told him” that the annual party was approaching and that she was going. That was that!

Weeks went by and her husband hadn’t said two words about the impending party. She had already purchased her outfit and was extremely excited about going. The day before the party she was out running errands and had called home to check on her kids. Her oldest, a then “tween”, answered and they chatted a bit then she asked, “Where’s Daddy?” Her child replied “Out looking for something to wear to the party tomorrow.” She was stunned!

Not only did her husband find something to wear, he attended the party and together, they had a ball. From that point forward their marriage experienced a dramatic shift and they rediscovered each other and remain happy. But here’s why….

When she had made up her mind to make herself happy and leave her husband, she started putting herself first. A change was taking place within her. They were small, subtle changes but big enough to cause a ripple in her husband’s awareness. And as she told me, “Kitara, when I stepped into the woman I am supposed to be, my husband stepped up to keep up.” And she went on to tell me that a male mentor of hers told her “When you stop being a little girl and become a woman, your husband will stop being a little boy and become a man”.

Her husband realized that his wife was growing to a new level. She was playing big and if he didn’t step up his game he was going to lose her. So instead of denying what was going on, he embraced it full on and did what he needed to do to save his marriage.  Could it have gone the other way? Of course! She could have ended up divorced – but she still would’ve been happy because she was honoring herself.

Happy-coupleThe whole point here ladies is that so long as it does not intentionally hurt another or yourself, it is okay to do what you have to do to make yourself happy. In fact, you should do what makes you happy! Yes, hurt feelings may be a byproduct of your decision, but purposely hurting another is not your intention, experiencing joy and answering the call of your inner spirit is.

Many of us teeter along saying “I wish I were happy” or “I just want to be happy!” but we haven’t truly decided to be happy. Make the decision to be happy. Step into it, embrace it and own your happiness. It is yours after all and no one else can truly make you happy for true happiness is found within. So do something good for yourself….do YOU.

In Celebration,

Filed Under: Family Life, Marriage Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

What I Miss Monday

January 25, 2010 By 2 Comments

Dining Out….

Choosing to live a healthy lifestyle can certainly curtail the pleasures of eating out regularly, be it breakfast, lunch or dinner.

It seems like a lifetime ago, but I remember eating out without nary a care of how the food was prepared, whether it was fried and smothered in some type of heavy sauce, loaded with cheese or oozing with sugar. Ahh yes, gone are the good ole days when I would meet with friends to eat out and enjoy savory appetizers, a fat-laden meal, a cocktail or two and dessert. Sometimes it was all-you-can-eat brunch. Sometimes it was lunch and then dinner later…it didn’t matter.

When my husband and I met things didn’t change much. We ate out with friends, indulged in Friday night free-for-alls with an extra large pizza, root beer, chocolate chip cookies and a movie. The next morning we’d feast on grits, eggs, biscuits, sausage and/or bacon and juice. Later we’d have lunch and then dinner. There were no boundaries. We have photos to prove how our lackadaisical approach to nutrition manifested in packed on pounds…..but I won’t share those! ; )

Things are VERY different now. We eat clean Healthy mealsix days a week and allow ourselves one “free” day a week to eat a bit more freely….though we don’t go buck wild with it. We exercise 5-6 days a week and it is extremely rare that we eat out during the week. We even plan our free days to accommodate special events like the upcoming Super Bowl. If we end up at a party we’ll move our normal Saturday free day to Sunday, because what fun is it to be at a Super Bowl party and not enjoy all of the calorie rich appetizers? That’s half the fun!

I do miss eating out more frequently, but I do not miss the extra 20 or so pounds that accompanied that footloose and fancy free lifestyle. By me cooking 99% of our meals I know exactly what is going into our bodies…I have complete control and I like it better that way. By using ingredients like sea salt, agave nectar and coconut oil in my regular cooking regime I know that I’m giving my family some of the healthiest ingredients nature has to offer and that makes me feel good. We may not be indulging our unhealthy cravings on a daily basis, but we are blessing our bodies and showing our kids a lifestyle (through example) that won’t manifest into childhood diabetes or obesity, and a lifestyle that will certainly not fail them in their adult years. So, here’s to good health!

In Celebration,

Filed Under: Health, Fitness & Nutrition, Personal Growth, Reconnect With YOU Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

What I Miss Monday

January 18, 2010 By Leave a Comment

Poetry Readings….

Back in 1997 a movie well before its time called Love Jones starring Larenz Tate and Nia Long was released. Me and my girl Dana saw the movie and were instantly hooked. It was a comedy/tear-jerk girl-meets-boy-girl-falls-for-boy-boy-and-girl-afraid-of-love-and-split-boy-and-girl-admit-they-love-each-other-in-the-end. You know…the typical plot you wish would happen in your life if you’re single. Well, that was us back then.

But, aside from the fact that we’re hopeless romantics, one of the main inanimate charters of the movie was poetry. The film was set in Chicago and all of the main and supporting characters liked to hang out in a local club that featured a house jazz band and spoken word or “performance poetry”.

I remember watching that movie over and over once it was available for purchase and wishing there were places like that in the Bay Area. I had always heard how culturally rich Chicago is and longed for even a small slice of that in my own stomping grounds. Luckily, for a brief fleeting moment a little spot in Oakland did in fact start a spoken word night on Tuesdays I believe, and me, Dana and oftentimes other girlfriends would gather together at this little bar to be enlightened and entertained by local poets and hip-hop artist wannabes.

We always had a great time and as a writer I used to secretly wish that I had the nerve to get up on stage, grab the mic and share my thoughts with the crowd. But I was never that bold…and didn’t think too many people would care much about the man I was pining over at the time which was then the driving force behind all of my poetic attempts.

Yet and still, even after I met my husband Love Jones was and is still a great movie (the soundtrack is equally good), and I just think there is something very cool about adults gathering together and sharing their creative flow while some smooth and sultry tunes play in the background. A nice Appletini on the side wouldn’t hurt either!Martini_appletini
I dunno, maybe it’s just the artsy-fartsy nature in me that is drawn to things like that. Whatever it is, I miss it, and something like that would make for a great date night with hubby. In the meantime though, I think I’ll go through my movie stash and pull out my VHS copy (yikes!) of Love Jones and pop it in…see if I can remember some of the lines I had memorized at one point and have a good laugh, and yes, probably a good cry too. You know, just for hopeless romantic old time’s sake.

In Celebration,
{siggy}

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What I Miss Monday

January 11, 2010 By 3 Comments

Eyebrow Shaping, Manicures, Pedicures and Professional Hair Services….

Well, these go right along with the shopping I shared about last week. This one is really about the pampering that I used to treat myself to on a regular basis.

As part of my regular upkeep I had bi-weekly appointments for my nails and toes…back then it was acrylics or gel nails and during those same appointments I would have my eyebrows shaped. Right before I had my son I stopped getting the acrylics (I was worried about poking or scratching him with the long nails, and I used to get them long) and converted to regular manicures and pedicures. I used to go bi-weekly for my hair services but then started going weekly.

Aside from having a great sense of self-care, the entire process was truly therapeutic. It felt good to sit back and have someone take good care of me. I knew that the people I entrusted my hair and body to were committed to their craft. I wasn’t going to get out of their chairs until they were completely satisfied with their work. This meant a lot to me because I knew they cared about how good I looked as much as I did, I was after all a walking advertisement for their work. And this isn’t about being conceited, but it’s about knowing that I was doing what made me happy in my efforts to exude a healthy outer appearance.

Probably one of my favorite aspects of these regular services, aside from the amazing hand, foot and head massages that normally came with the services, ahhhhh, were the relationships built over time. When you start seeing the same people for services over and over you begin to get to know each other and build a friendship that you come to appreciate. I remember my nail lady Susan and how she used to tell funny stories and jokes. My favorite hair stylist hands down was my best friend from high school, Camille.

Camille and I shared a lot together and as the years progressed after high school we weren’t as close as we once were. But I always looked forward to my appointments with her because there was usually good conversation, and of course, amazing hair. Camille is truly gifted when it comes to her ability to not just style your hair but take care of it and keep it healthy. I always loved my styles from her and I loved how healthy and strong my hair was. At the beginning of this post is a photo from back in the day after Camille had worked her magic before I stopped relaxing my hair, with freshly waxed brows to boot. 

If you live in the Northern California Bay Area you should check her out. She owns her own salon called Mildred’s Place in Concord. I’m really proud of her and I miss Camille as much as I miss my regular pampering services.

So why have all of these services stopped? A couple of reasons. 1. Pretty much the same reason I don’t shop like I used to – we’re living on one salary. We’re not struggling by any means, but those luxury items add up quickly. So, when I can get around to it, I do my nails and toes myself. Perhaps I should schedule regular appointments with myself just as I used to schedule regular appointments in the salon??  2. I stopped relaxing my hair back in 2006. So far everyplace we’ve lived I have not been able to find a stylist who specializes in naturally curly hair who can not only give a good cut, but style my hair according to its needs. I have tight, coily curls. They cannot be managed, manipulated and styled the same way as someone with with looser curls. I tried it once and while she gave me a good cut, I didn’t like how she styled my hair. So, I take full control of my hair care, and I do a pretty good job.

I’ve vowed to make 2010 a bigger, better, badder and bolder year for me and my family. Once I start making those things come to fruition, I’ll be back to my regular mani/pedi appointments. Since the hair issue is null and void for me, perhaps I’ll replace that luxury with regular facials or massages. I’m already off to a good start, I had my eyebrows shaped last week! Do something good for yourself this week, you deserve it!

In Celebration,

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What I Miss Monday

January 4, 2010 By 3 Comments

Shopping….

Even as a young girl I loved to shop. Trying on clothes and shoes, imagining myself in fashionable outfits – it was all good. And it didn’t matter if it was K-Mart or Emporium Capwells….if it involved getting something new, I was all for it. And then the sheer joy of coming home and trying on the new clothes all over again? Priceless.

In my tween years me and my cousins would catch the bus to El Cerrito Plaza or Hilltop Mall in Northern California, our little allowance money in hand, and we’d buy lunch, go to the bookstore as the three of us were avid readers, buy a book or two with what money we had left over and just hang out.

As a working adult, I appreciated shopping days with my girlfriends more because it meant that I could buy MORE STUFF! We’d make a day of it – shopping, lunch and sometimes the movies and dinner. We’d try on shoes, boots, jeans, tops, jewelery and check out new handbags and matching wallets. Oh, and don’t let it be a sale like the Nordstrom Half Yearly Event! We of course would only actually purchase what we could realistically afford, AKA, whatever available credit was on our credit cards! But no matter what, it was always a great time.

Even 18 months after recalling this original “What I Miss” entry, I still don’t shop the way I used to. As a stay-home-mom on one salary with two kids, usually when it’s time for shopping other than groceries, it’s clothes and shoes for the kids or something for the house.

I was never a shopaholic, but I loved a good shopping day with friends or even by myself. There’s just a “feel good” element to picking out, trying on and purchasing clothes and shoes and walking out of the store excited about when you’ll be able to put your new purchases to good use. And of course, coming home and yes, trying on all your new clothes all over again. Some things never change.

Yes, I miss shopping. I definitely plan to reintroduce this one into my life in 2010. In fact, me and a girlfriend plan to have some shopping fun in February at the Shecky’s Girls Night Out event in Houston..all thanks to another girlfriend who told me about it. It may be over a month away, but it’s shopping nonetheless and I plan to enjoy every minute of it. Bigstockphoto_Friends_Shopping_4317497Because honestly, a lot of what I miss about shopping isn’t just the thrill of getting new clothes, but the therapy of being with friends doing something you enjoy together, being yourself and having FUN. That’s what really matters.

Until next week….

In Celebration,

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Get Ready for What I Miss Mondays!

January 2, 2010 By Leave a Comment

Wow. I can’t believe another new year is already upon us. It’s always at the beginning of a new year that we’re full of fresh ideas and resolve to do things better than we did them in the previous 12 months.

This year I plan to make it a point to share who I am with the world. God didn’t put me here to keep my gifts and talents all to myself. So I am really going to make it a point to come out of my comfort zone and share what I have to offer. It may not be for everyone, and that’s okay! I’m okay with it because whoever needs what I have will get it, and for those who don’t need it I wish them well just the same and perhaps they know someone who does need what I have to share. At any rate, it’s not my job to worry about who will like it and who won’t; who will receive what I have with an open heart and mind and take action and who won’t. My job is simply to share.

So, as part of my ultimate plan to share with the world, I’ve decided to begin sharing with you a little piece of my own self-therapy that I went through about 18 months ago when we first moved to Texas.

As some of you know, that move here to Texas back in the summer of 2008 was the second major relocation we had taken on in an 11-month time span. Both those moves shook me up in a way that was completely unexpected and I eventually realized that I was experiencing my very own early midlife “celebration”. Although I’ll be quite honest that at the time in my mind it was a full blown crisis.

Once I realized what I was experiencing I also wanted to figure out how to get out of my funk and as quickly as possible because it just wasn’t a good place to be in. I had to begin asking myself a lot of tough questions, some of them I wasn’t really ready to be honest with myself but I did it anyway. The purpose of those deep questions was to help me reconnect with myself. One of the questions I had to ask myself was “What do I miss?”. After becoming a wife and mother, as so many other wives and moms can relate to, I seemed to lose myself in my wifely/motherly roles and forgot all about Kitara. So I started making an account of all those things big and small from childhood through adulthood that I missed in my life.

The point of recalling these things wasn’t necessarily to bring them all back into my life, but to simply honor those things that I used to love and enjoy that were no longer in my life. By doing this, I knew that some things I would reintroduce into my life and others I could not or would not as they no longer served me and just didn’t have a place in my life any longer. But, regardless to whether or not some of these things made a reappearance in my life or not, I wanted to simply honor them by recalling and acknowledging them on paper.

What I Miss Mondays, beginning Monday, January 4, 2010, will be me sharing with you all of those things that I recalled and honored from my life as part of my healing journey. It it is my hope that in some small way I may inspire you to recall those things in your life that you may have lost connection with…those things that make you uniquely YOU.

In Celebration,

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Are Your Beliefs in Alignment With What You Know to be True?

December 16, 2009 By 2 Comments

As I lay in bed the other night before drifting off to sleep, something profound occurred to me. I realized that a lot more work is yet to be done in me….not that I didn’t already know this, but the realization was of the work that I’m not even aware of that has yet to be done.

I realized that there are a lot of things that I know to be true. I currently have some health concerns that I would like to release once and for all, and two things that I know to be absolutely true are 1. that ANYTHING is possible with faith and 2. the body can heal itself of any imbalance or disease. I know these things to be true because I have seen and heard countless stories of people healing themselves through faith and action of what doctors deemed as “incurable”, and I have personally cleared my body of an imbalance that my own doctor was recommending a “slice and burn” remedy, through faith and the actions of forgiveness, love and an altered diet. So I know from personal experience that those above statements are absolute truths.

HOWEVER, what occurred to me the other night is that while I know these things to be true, for me to still have some health concerns must only mean one thing: my belief system is not in total alignment with what I know to be true, otherwise, I wouldn’t have these issues.

What I realized is that somewhere deep inside is a belief that is the complete opposite of what I know to be true. And, it is probably buried so deep that I can’t even recognize what it is. This is frustrating to say the least because how can I know what to address if I don’t even know what I’m addressing?

Sure, there are things that I am currently working on and I would imagine, as it has happened several times already, that as I work on one area or issue, other things come up that require attention and I work on releasing those things as well. It’s just part of the process. But hoping that I can uncover it on my own may not be enough.

So, instead of me trying to fumble around in the dark, I simply did the only thing I knew how to do. I asked for help. I asked God/Creator to help me recognize and release those beliefs that are not in total alignment with what I know to be true about abundant health and healing. And now that I’ve asked, I am  changing my request for help to a prayer of gratitude for the help: “Thank you for helping me to recognize and change the belief or beliefs in me that was or were not in alignment with my truth. And thank you for allowing my beliefs to now be in total alignment with my truth.” Being grateful for something before it has materialized in your life is a powerful act of faith.

So as you go through each day managing your midlife celebration, ask yourself what it is that you know to be absolutely true (what you have experienced personally in the past or witnessed in others). It could be health related or it could have to do with your career, finances, family, spirituality, friendships, love relationships, how you feel about yourself, your ability to experience success, anything. Then ask yourself if what you know to be true is in alignment with your belief system. Here’s another example:

If you know it to be true that it IS possible to be successful and not live paycheck to paycheck worrying about expenses, but your life is not producing those same results, chances are that somewhere inside, your belief system and what you know to be true are not in total alignment. One sure way to know this is that if you constantly tell yourself success-filled thoughts, but find yourself regularly speaking words like “I’m broke”, “I can’t afford”, “I can’t seem to get ahead”, “The recession…”, “Everything is so expensive…” to family, friends, co-workers and strangers in the checkout line at the grocery store, then there is surely a disconnect.

Once you’ve identified the disconnect, simply ask for help. Whatever higher power you believe in, start there, and if needed branch out to family members, friends, your church, and communities of like minded people. Help is ALWAYS available, you just have to reach out and ask for it.

As you receive the help you’ve sought out, get moving. If you receive help in the form of advice that makes sense and does not compromise your sense of integrity, take action! As you continue to move forward and towards your greater good, only good can unfold as a result of it. I know that to be true in my own life. But it cannot and will not happen if you receive help that you do not act on.

Even if your beliefs are not in total alignment with what you know to be true YET, they can and will be. Have faith, trust the process and take action. Together, we’ll get there.

In Celebration,
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